jammin' with    God
a Christian musician’s perspective by Pete Caputo

Jam#11   In the Mean Time
I was only 12 years old.  My two younger brothers and I were spending the afternoon playing at my cousin’s house.  But suddenly all the playing stopped.  We were brought into the living room to be told that my father had just passed away.  There was no warning, no preparation... it just happened.  Across town, Daddy died within minutes from a brain hemorrhage, and from that moment on, my family and my life were changed, forever.

But when that news first crossed my ears, all I can remember was this sense of peace, as if someone was saying to me, “It’s gonna be alright.”  Well my brother Tony started crying uncontrollably, and throwing himself on the floor.  So to save face, I did the same.  My youngest brother, Mark, who was only six, just started crying because he saw both of us carrying on.

Well, for the next few weeks, we were swamped with love, affection and attention that kept us fairly preoccupied, not having the time to dwell on our present state of affairs.  But I remember lying in bed one night, (it had to be about two or three months later), that it all finally registered for me… my father was not going to come back… and I found myself really mourning the loss of my dad.  I started crying, uncontrollably… but I tried to keep it quiet, because it was late and my brothers were asleep, and I didn’t want to wake them up.

What is significant to me now, as I look back on that night is, at that very moment, I was alone… and no one knew what I was going through.  For the first time in my life I really knew what it meant to be alone.  I knew what it meant to not have anybody to lean on.  Oh, I could have gone downstairs and woke up my mom, but something kept me from doing that.  It was as if I knew that, that moment was meant for me to endure, on my own.

You see, just like when Jesus endured the wilderness for forty days, it actually becomes necessary for all of us to face times of loneliness.  For some of us, these times may be longer than for others.  But since it is part of our growing experience, these times will come.  I call it being “ in the mean time” because it’s usually a pretty mean time.

Jesus says in John 16:33, “…In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world.”  Well in our “mean times”, that is an encouragement, that He’s overcome the world, but… well… we’re still the ones who have to go through the tribulation.

But when that peaceful presence came over me, the very moment I heard the news of my father’s death, I now realize that it was Love jammin’ with me, as I entered a new stage of my life.  You see… there’s no way to script a response to news like that.  I mean… when your world is coming down around you, the only thing you can do is to believe that God is going to see you through it, right?  What’s the alternative?  Well, obviously the choice is to either hold on, or to move further away from God, to blame Him for what’s happened, even to reject Him or hate Him.

But the funny thing is… no matter how far we move away from God, that peaceful presence will always hang around, somehow, someway… just waiting for us to grab hold.  It’s not there to take away the situation; it’s just there.  And it reminds us that… “it’s gonna be alright”.

Now, when I meet or talk to people who are going through a “mean time”, I often wish I could just raise a magic wand and make all the pain go away.  And if I feel that way, I’m sure God does too.  So why doesn’t God do it then… right?  I mean it’s one thing for me to wish the pain away, but it’s certainly another to wonder why God doesn’t just do something about it.

Well, we can debate the answer to this question till we’re all blue in the face… but I know somewhere deep within our psyche is a key to understanding why God doesn’t just take away all our hurts and pains... and the loneliness.  I believe the key is… that we’re all just creations surrounded by loneliness.  We’re all just individuals… single passenger boats on an ocean… individual worlds splashed across a vast galaxy… just waiting for our paths to cross… just waiting for something to quell the deafening silence of loneliness.

We enter this world alone, and ever so quickly, we’re moved into loving arms so that we don’t sense the loneliness.  We’re protected from it. Yet moments come where we experience the anxiety of separation and we’ll do anything we can to avoid the loneliness.  Oh, in time we learn to appreciate our “alone” times, and teach ourselves ways to escape from… whatever, or whoever.  But finally at the end of our lives, we face the ultimate reality that we must leave this life… as we entered it… alone.

So, what can we possibly learn from these “mean time” experiences we all go through?  Well, first let’s examine the obvious… we can’t stand them.  Why?  Well, I think it’s’ because we’re reminded of our state of loneliness.  Suddenly we’re thrust back into the realization that no one else can know exactly what we’re going through.  After all, even if we’re not physically alone during these times, even if we’re in the midst of a crowd of family, friends or loved ones, fact is… we still feel very much alone.

Next, what we come to learn is, how we feel powerless to overcome it… and who likes feeling like they’re not in control?  Plus, we don’t like the fact that it all won’t just go away faster than we would like it to. 

Which leads us to the next point.  No one can predict when a “mean time” is about to hit.  Oh yeah… we think we’ve gotten better at forecasting storms and bad weather conditions.  We can even send out warnings and evacuate large cities, but no one’s designed a Doppler radar for these kinds of disturbances yet.

Finally, we need to accept that since these “mean times” are a part of life, and they will come to us, the obvious thing to do is to learn how to prepare for them.  You got your storm shelter ready?  Flashlights… check, canned goods… check, water… check, radio… check, blankets and extra clothing… check… oh, and don’t forget the batteries… check.

If you think about it, Noah’s Arc was really nothing more than a floating storm shelter.  But although it kept Noah and company safe for forty days, it took Noah most his life to prepare for it.  And when the time came, God made sure that it would work, that every animal would play nice, that all the provisions were made for each occupant, and that the arc could withstand the winds and the rain. 

Ever notice, though,  that there was no rudder on the arc?  Noah wasn’t expected to take control.  Instead, he was ordered to take a back seat, hang on and just ride it out.  Noah may not have understood totally why the storm had to come, but he did know that God had made a way for him to get through it.  And when the storm ended, a new phase of life was about to begin. 

So that leads us to ask the next question about the “mean times”.  Does God bring them on us, or what?

Ah… the million dollar question.  This is another one, we can spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out, and may never get closer to an answer… or at least we may all never quite agree on an answer, but let me throw this note out there. 

How about… no… He doesn’t bring them on us.

How can I be so emphatic, so concise in my answer, you may ask?  Well it’s mostly because of the premise of the question.  What I mean is… the idea that God is us up there planning and scheming all these trials and tribulations in each of our lives with some giant excel spreadsheet and divine calendar… and then looks down on us to monitor our reactions and results just doesn’t seem to chime with me.

To think that these things are done just to test us and to see how we mature or grow through them is just plain wrong.  First of all… God doesn’t need to test anything.  You test something or someone because you want to know the outcome.  Well, duh… God is all knowing and all-present.  Nothing surprises Him.  It’s just not possible.  He’s beyond time, remember?

It’s just easier to accept as Jesus explained, “… in this world, you will have tribulations.”  It’s simply a part of this life.  They come from the high and low pressures within the climate of this world as a result of the fall of man.  They come to show us that God wants to equip us before the storms come.  They come to remind us that we are not in control.  They come to offer a perspective on this life, it’s frailties and it’s limitations.  And finally, they come to remind us that we’re not alone when they hit, because God will always be with us.

Many times I often find myself saying this simple Psalm-like prayer in a “mean time”.  I just lift my heart to the father and cry out… “God, you didn’t bring me this far, to leave me”.

Just think about your last “mean time” experience.  If you think about it in hindsight now, can you see the storm shelter that was prepared for you?  Was it a place, a person, a show, a song… or even something as simple as a word or a passing though that brought you back to the realization that… everything is going to be alright?

The picture of a butterfly breaking through its cocoon is such a beautiful metaphor in understanding the end result of our trials and our tribulations.  Although there is life before the cocoon, there is a season in which a change becomes necessary.  Something happens well beyond the control of that existence.  Death occurs to the old life, a transformation begins.  A traumatic struggle ensues as the glimmer of new life peers into the newfound darkness.  Finally what emerges is a refined and reborn life.  The vacant cocoon is left as an empty shell, a reminder of the placed from whence that creature came.  But he never looks back.  He’s off to explore his new world with poise and strength never known before.

I’ve heard of a study where someone attempted to help a butterfly as it was struggling to break out of its cocoon.  As a result, the butterfly’s wings were severely underdeveloped and it was unable to fly.  The study revealed that the creature needed to struggle on its own in order to survive and flourish in its new life.

This is the saving grace of any “mean time” experience.  Even when there is no light of hope shining in our darkened cocoon, there’s still an understanding that we are not alone.  Oh, we may feel alone, but truth is… we are not.  We’ve been placed high in the willow tree, far above any real harm.  We’ve been safely sealed in our arcs, as the waters rise beyond our control.  And if we take the time to listen beyond the deafening silence of our own loneliness, we will hear Love say to us… “It’s gonna be alright.”

Hey listen, you may be going through something that I can not and may never totally understand… the depth and pain of it so overwhelming, it would make me cringe and cry out for justice and mercy.  Well, that’s my point exactly.  You see, the guy who first sang the tune, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen”… is right.  Nobody knows but Jesus.  Let Him jam with you, and I know He’s gonna see you through this one.

Cause even if it means that it’s time to enter a cocoon, and darkness will engulf you for awhile, you can rest assure that God will be there to greet you as you spread your wings in the beauty of a new season. 

Cause Love will always say to you… “Hey, I’ll see you in the mean time, and remember… you’re never alone.”

Jammin exercise:                           OK musicians… pick up your axes.  Time to play a jammin’ version of the blues.  But instead of leaving you drowning in a blue sea of tears, we’re gonna build an arc that’s gonna keep us through the storm.  If you or someone you know is going through a “mean time”, grab hold of a phrase or thought that encompasses the felling. 

Remember in Beyond Human Language, we discussed Paul’s passage in 1 Corinthians, where he said he will sing in the spirit… and the understanding, also? 

Well, let’s transfer that thought from the understanding… into the spirit.  How do we do this?  Just let that phrase play out in your understanding, for awhile. as you “think” through all the pain and frustration.  But after a time, as no more words or thoughts will comfort you any longer, let your spirit take over.  Keep on playing or singing the same phrase, but start to dwell on Love.  Remind yourself that the King left His word as instructions on how to build your arc.  Then, start sawing that wood, baby, ‘cause the storm’s a comin’.  It may already be raining, but even if it’s not, be prepared, because it will come.  That’s not superstition talkin’… that’s just life.

Non-musicians… don’t feel left out.  You have also been encouraged by Paul to sing in the spirit.  You don’t have to sound like Celine Dion or Pavarotti… you just need to make some kind of noise to the Lord.  Wait till you’re alone if you feel embarrassed.  That’s all right.  Actually, it really doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is your physically expressing your sense of vulnerability and loneliness to God.  It may take some time to get beyond the awkwardness of what you’re doing.  At first… you’ll find it distracting, because you don’t normally make sounds like this.  But that’s OK. 

Remember… singing in the spirit is not about doing something that your mind is going to appreciate.  Expect your mind and your reasoning to fight against this exercise.  Expect your understanding to tell you this is all a waist of time.  But don’t stop.  Keep breaking through, just like that butterfly breaking out of its cocoon.  Start dwelling on nothing but the King… and believe that His light will eventually flood into your darkness, For now, thank Him that He’s kept you safe in your cocoon, Cause in the “mean time”, even though we feel alone and everything seems so cold and dark… you will know that voice that’s telling you… everything is going to be alright.